I just had a cookie. I did not need a cookie. It is almost 1am. Why did I have a cookie? I don’t know why. But I had a cookie.

Now I’m beating myself up. Sigh.

I was going to say something here, but I was having trouble with my connection. So I did my workout on the elliptical trainer and then came back. The connection is fine but I have no idea what I was going to say.

Levi will be proud of me today - I had a good lunch. Yesterday he advised me that Slim-Fast is not an appropriate lunch, so today I had a little salad and a big banana.

Levi also talked about finding a lifetime way of eating (WOE) rather than just “dieting.” I seem to already be just fine with that - I have identified a WOE that works for me. I’ve only gained or lost a couple of pounds in the last several months! I know what the smart choices are (as opposed to five years ago, when I drank regular sodas and ate candy bars), and I make them consistently. When I do have a treat, I have it in moderation most of the time - one or two cookies, or a choosing a York pattie rather than peanut butter cups. So I’m happy with my WOE, and I’m just trying to lose weight. Hopefully I’ll manage it soon.

I exercised for 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer on Tuesday, and I’m going to do it again today. I should probably draw up a schedule for increasing my activity level - starting light, with 20 minutes every couple of days, and then increasing both duration and frequency.

I guess today will have to be a low calorie day, because I think I had a super high day yesterday. (I’m still hoping to try the Wendie Plan though.) I ended up having a peanut butter sandwich for dinner using my beloved Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter and strawberry rhubarb jam. Then my sister-in-law made pecan-walnut brownies (ostensibly to replace the cookies she took, though I don’t agree - I didn’t ask her to make brownies) and I had two of those. And my partner brought home a box of praline cookies from a co-worker who’d gone to New Orleans; she knows I love them so she’d specifically asked him to get them…and I had two of those. So yes, very high calorically.

My plan for today is to simply restrict intake. I am having a Slim-Fast Optima shake for breakfast (180 cal) and I will have a Kirkland Weight Loss shake for lunch (230 cal). I think I will allow myself either a piece of fruit sometime today (either an apple or a banana, depending on which looks better - the snack bar fruits are often icky-looking) or a package of Utz Yes chips which are made with Olestra and I think they are 90cal. I don’t know what I will have for dinner…probably some form of soup. Either my Tradition-brand low-fat ramen, or a can of Health Valley vegetable barley with a piece or two of bread. Then I may allow myself either a Tagalong cookie, a praline cookie, or a brownie. That’s my plan for the day. Oh, and a bottle of diet soda in the morning, and if I drink two liters of water at work then I can have another bottle of soda later in the day.

Wow, I’m really verbose this morning!

Just a minor rant about my sister-in-law. First, I should mention that I bought six boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year, two each of Samoas, Tagalongs (my absolute favorite) and Thin Mints. When they arrived Saturday afternoon, I put one box of each straight into the downstairs (storage) freezer. On Sunday night, my sister-in-law - she lives with us, by the way - asked if she could open the Samoas. I said sure, and she took two. I had a couple as well.

Tonight, I opened up my pantry (we have a pantry, and the in-laws have a pantry) and noticed the box of Tagalongs had been opened and placed in there. I decided to see how many were gone, and there were four missing. Out of a box of just 15. I thought maybe my partner had taken some with her for lunch, so I asked my sister-in-law if she’d opened it and how many she’d had.

She had four. Out of 15. Almost a third of the box.

Her voice was timid when she said “four,” and she said she’d buy me more. But that’s not the point. She didn’t ask me if she could open the box at all - and we don’t generally share food without asking - and then she took almost a third of the box. Now the box is open, tempting me, especially since there’s only one more cookie in the first row - part of me wants to make things even again by eating that one. I also don’t need her to buy me more. If I want more, I’ll buy them. I spent $21 on those six boxes because I like supporting the Girl Scouts - I used to sell cookies for them myself. So I can spend another $3 for 15 more Tagalongs, but again…that’s not the point.

Why oh why didn’t she take four Thin Mints? I wouldn’t have cared at all.

I found a ChubBuddies thread about “The Wendie Plan” which was developed by a woman who meticulously calculated her eating and did research on metabolism and all that good stuff. Here’s what her plan would look like for me, a person weighing between 150 and 174 pounds:

	WW Points	Calories
Day 1	22	1200
Day 2	27	1350
Day 3	23	1250
Day 4	37	1850
Day 5	22	1200
Day 6	26	1300
Day 7	24	1200

The point is to keep your metabolism guessing about how much you are eating. I’m so fucking tired of this plateau that I am going to give this a try and see what happens. I have had 619 calories so far today.

My Carborite cookie is funky today. It’s extra dry and extra tasteless. Ah well, I’m eating it anyway. I think I’ve had one like this once before.

Today I bought a 1.5-liter bottle of water and I plan to drink it before the end of work (3:30). Then I will try to drink more after work as well. I am declaring today a “no soda day” - I don’t have any at home anyway.

I am reading through ChubBuddies and hoping to participate more. I have set up an exercise buddy (through another site) and I hope to exercise at least 20 minutes today on the elliptical trainer.

I’m sick and tired of this fucking plateau. I’ve been in the 160’s since September. I have got to do something.

I have been drinking so much water the past few days that my lips are plumper and not as chapped as they usually are. Of course, this foils my nervous habit of chewing on them, but at least I know I’m well-hydrated!

By the way, despite my aversion to plain water, I actually have consumed quite a bit of it. I only had one tub of Crystal Light, and that only makes a couple of quarts, so I finished that quickly. I’ve been having plain since.

To my own amazement I lost a pound this past week! I’m down to 168 now. I wasn’t expecting to lose any weight…I guess it’s just that I’ve been guzzling water so much the past couple of days. I have to keep up the water drinking, but I really need to start exercising too. I think I might have found an exercise buddy though…we’d e-mail each other and report in on how we’re doing.

Dammit. I have not-so-slowly whittled away at 1.75 quarts of Healthy Choice peanut butter cup ice cream so that there is almost nothing left. It was purchased on Friday night. Fuck! I just ate it with a spoon right out of the package. I don’t know how it happened…well, I sort of do. I just thought “hmm, I’d like some ice cream” - I love ice cream - and so I would go and get it. 120 calories per serving, 14 servings per package. There are probably 2 or 3 servings left.

Dammit. Fuck. I’m going to have gained weight by tomorrow morning. I hate this! I hate this!